A New Year

This year has been the most difficult year I have ever experienced.  Reflecting on all that has happened is completely ripping me apart tonight.  It was difficult to spend Christmas without our little one, when I had pictured her with us so often throughout the pregnancy.  It's difficult to try to wrap my mind around our loss and our emptiness.  And tonight, it is difficult to leave a year filled with the pure joy of expectation of Annalise and the simultaneous extreme pain of loss of Annalise.

The last few weeks I have had moments of pouring out my heart and sobbing for Annalise... just missing her and wishing she were here.  The realization that I will forever have this break in my heart is daunting.  I was thinking about how the loss of my father (when he left us - then when he died) left and huge, damaging hole in my life.  And here I am again, with an even larger hole left when my little girl died.  Life is difficult.  And I know that the difficulties will never cease in this lifetime.  I hold tightly to the knowledge that I will see my little one again, one day, when I leave this world.

My sweet Annalise.  Mommy and daddy miss you more than anything.  My heart is so deeply broken without you here.  I think about you every, single day.  I am so sorry that we didn't have more time with you.  I ache for the memories we could have made.  I pray that you are blissfully content where you are and you know how I deeply and entirely I love you.  I wish you were here to start a new year with us, but I hope you will see nothing but happiness fill our lives in 2012.