Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Friday, April 11, 2014

New Paths

Wow. 2014. Time has just flown by. So much has happened in our lives since I last wrote to you all. Well, we are enjoying Ava - our energetic and persistent 20 month old who's current favorite word is "no".  We moved from Ohio to Hawaii!  We are LOVING life here in what is undoubtedly the most beautiful place on earth!  I have the privilege of being a stay at home mom, enjoying every day in the sunshine with my girl.

I have seen God's hand in every step of our journey here to Hawaii. It was a big faith leap to sell almost everything we owned and move half way across the world - so very far from our families - but it was truly the most freeing and currently the most healing process I've ever been through.  It would take me a while to share all the ways God has been tearing down the walls I have built up in my life, but it is happening.  I am learning things I never knew about myself and finding strength and courage I never dreamed I had. Every day is a struggle of the choices: the choice to have a good attitude,  the choice to love instead of harbor anger, the choice to be kind, the choice to give more of myself, to step outside my comfort zone... There are so many decisions that can lead us down the right path or the wrong path. Our road to joy and peace is just an active accumulation of conscientious decisions.  Take ownership of your path. That is what I am now doing.

I come back here now - to Annalise's blog - because my heart has been heavy recently. Even though I have moved so far away from the place we lost Annalise and where we laid her to rest, she has still followed me. She is here with us on this beautiful island and deep in my heart.  I see her every day in things - especially in Ava. When Ava sleeps, I see that she shares the same facial profile with her sister. Annalise's story has recently given me the opportunity to connect with another young mom, here in Hawaii, who's baby has been also been diagnosed with Trisomy 13. I cannot even tell you how much I wish we were the last family that ever had to suffer from this diagnosis. I physically hurt and emotionally am taken right back to the middle of my own circumstances when I hear another family has been given this diagnosis. Why?! Why?!

However, Annalise is there. I know that because of her, I have the ability and opportunity to relate and maybe even help these families a little. If I could encourage any mom who has been given the news that their little one in their womb has Trisomy 13, this is what I would say....

I know that most days you feel as though you are drowning in a sea of fear, uncertainty, sorrow and pain. I know that most days you question, "How am I going to be able to get though this?"  I know that it feels like God has forgotten you. I want to tell you that there are so many out there who care about you and know what you are feeling. Women who have walked the path you are walking right now. You are not alone. Unfortunately, this will be the most difficult thing you may ever have to do, but you will get through it.  You will soak in every second with your little one and those memories will eternally become a part of you... They will never leave. You will be stronger on the other side of this than you ever dreamed possible - and you will have your little one to thank for that. I can tell you that I know that I will never be the same... In a good way. Losing my girl to trisomy 13, set me on a path to more self-discovery than I ever dreamed I would experience. I'm still on that path. I can truly say that I am happy. I have joy. I have peace. And I know there is so much more to come.