With elections so near it seems like I hear about pro-life vs/ pro-choice every day - there is always something in my FaceBook news feeds about it or a campaign commercial on it. I just finished watching the movie "OctoberBaby" (which I cried pretty much the whole way through) about girl who survived a failed abortion and went on to find her birth mother.
My stance has never been so strongly against abortions as it is now that I have experienced the loss of a baby against my own choices. I was reading back over my first few entries on this blog and it's so difficult to remember those days filled with such overwhelming pain and horrendous choices. I vividly remember sitting on the couch in the doctor's office when she asked James and me if we wanted to have an abortion. I remember her strongly advising an abortion because "the fetus" had a 90% chance of dying in utero. And I vividly remember feeling so offended that she would even dream such a thing could be a choice! A "fetus" is a human - and this fetus was my human! She was my first born baby and no matter how many cards were stacked against her, I was choosing to let this situation play out naturally, hoping and praying for the best. I distinctly remember a voice screaming at the top of its lungs in my head over and over again saying: "I AM NOT GOING TO MURDER MY CHILD!" There are arguments for pro-choice such as my situation: the fetus will not survive because of a genetic abnormality. Then there are arguments about the mother being raped; it's her body/her choice; mother is not prepared to care for a baby at such a young age... no matter the argument, the outcome of an abortion is still a murdered baby. I also believe if I would have chosen to abort my baby that day, the emotional and spiritual baggage and consequences would have followed me and crippled me for the rest of my life. If I would have chose to abort Annalise, this blog would not exist and I would not have had the opportunities to reach so many of you. I have even had one reader tell me that my story stopped her from having an abortion, because she saw how completely I loved my unborn baby, how deeply the loss hurt me, and how strong I remained because of my faith. Now that I have Ava, this unbelievable miracle, I can't fathom ever hurting such a precious and perfect little baby.
I have also met a lot of women through this experience who for some physical reason, are not able to have their own children and would give anything to adopt an unwanted baby. There are good, amazing families out there who are desperate to adopt, and mothers are just killing babies by choice, instead of giving that child an opportunity to live. I would give my own life to give Annalise the opportunity to live a full and healthy life. My own life...
I am going to share a photo of Annalise on this post. The first photo I have ever shared publicly. I just want to show the world that at 25 weeks gestation, that little life is as human and complete as you and me.