Our Earthly Tents

For the past 2 nights, I have not slept very well. I've had nightmares all night long about having a baby in my arms and then having it taken away from me - then me frantically searching for the baby. Last night, I dreamed I was in a house with several very pregnant women who were all complaining about the pains and challenges of pregnancy while I was sitting there in my pain and loss. I just distinctly remember wanting to scream at them all in my dream - but I didn't. I pray my dreams become better soon and I can get some peaceful sleep.

Usually most mornings when I open my eyes - painful thoughts immediately rush at me. Although this has been getting better with time, this morning was particularly poignant. I had thoughts about my baby girl in the hospital right after she was delivered. She was just so tiny and fragile - James and I were, at first, both scared to touch her for fear that we would tear her skin. (There is nothing more painful to a parent to know your child is injured and there is nothing you can do to fix them.) Then my memory recalled how her body started breaking down as we passed her around, moved her and touched her. My heart was aching then in the hospital and I think it aches even more now as I recall it. However, a Bible verse came right to my mind this morning while laying in my misery in my bed. It's 2 Corinthians 5:1 "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." As I type this now, tears come to my eyes. I am so grateful for this truth. I love how Paul uses the word "tent" - a flimsy, temporary structure - to describe our earthly bodies. Then he uses the words "a building from God" - giving the sense of a strong, permanent, perfect structure - to describe our eternal bodies.

I thank God everyday that my baby has a new, perfect, eternal body. Free of pain or illness. I ache everyday to be with her and to see her. To hear her laugh or see how she would act silly like her mom and dad. Through this entire experience I have sought and gained such a deeper perspective of heaven and what we have to look forward to. I cannot wait to see my baby girl's new body in heaven one day.