Tribute to Annalise

Here is what I wrote for my Annalise.  It was beautifully read by Lisa Clay at the funeral today.  Thank you ALL for making this day so special for us.  I will post more later about the funeral, right now just a bit emotionally exhausted.

Annalise,

You are beautiful and you are perfect.  You are the daughter I’ve always wanted.  I will always remember you as a feisty, happy, beautiful little girl who not only had tremendous strength but also gave that tremendous strength to your mommy and daddy.  I will always remember our conversations and the stories we read together.  I will miss forever the way you would bump and nudge me at 6 am every morning to get out of bed - especially when I was having silent inner debates convincing myself to sleep just 5 more minutes. I will miss how active you would get when I would eat ice cream (that’s the one bad influence I’m going to hold you to!)  You sure loved your ice cream.  I miss our morning cup of coffee when you would bump and jump as I was trying to check my e-mail.  I always smiled at those times, picturing you saying, “Hey, pay attention to me, not FaceBook!”  Now every time I drink my morning coffee I think of you and I miss you so so much.  I know if you were here, you would bring such joy, enthusiasm, energy and life into this world.  Every time I close my eyes I see your precious and perfect tiny little face.  This always brings tears to my eyes, but a smile to my lips because even though it hurts to miss you, it’s a joy to remember you.

My angel, I thank you for the memories.  I know with every fiber of my being that you are in heaven enjoying a perfect body and perfect joy.  This is what gets me through every day.  This is the only reason I can get out of bed in the morning.  This is my motivation to push through every day of my life and run this race well, because I know now there is something extra special to look forward to at the end.  I know your daddy and I will get to hold you again one day.  One day you will be reunited with your entire family.

If there is one thing I want the world to know about you it’s that we are neither angry with God nor do we blame Him that your precious life ended so soon.  Your life on earth may have ended, but your eternity in heaven has just begun.  You will never have to suffer a broken heart, or one single physical ailment.  You will never cry a tear or worry for one day in your life, because you are safe in the arms of God.  People ask me, “How can you believe in a God that allows babies to die?”  I tell them:  My God is not the God of death, pain or suffering.  God gives life and gives it to the fullest.  God has sustained me through this entire situation.  Without Him I would be lost.  Without Him I would be hollow - I would have no life or anything to live for.  However, Satan has come to steal, kill, and destroy.  I am determined not to let Satan steal our joy from the short time we had with you.  We will hold onto that joy forever... until the day we see you again.

I love you my daughter.